Surrender what I have held
Most dear; my fear
of insignificance.
in whose eyes did i disappear
that reappeared in vagaries of
Fame & Vindication?
No leader of great nation-
But to prove a tortured soul
is lifted above all-
A great day of Redemption
as Jesus and his Resurrection,
I, and my Witnessed Emancipation.
No. this fear
leads not to Celebration
but a weighty condemnation
to a prison built of lies.
Brick by brick I've
built my cell and in its
echoes sought salvation.
intimations of
the truth
like sunlight through the bars.
I abhorred the sun, the moon, the stars.
the monster that was left-
contemptuous of success.
it's true! I've found my cold
Platonic fire
in the shadow of my dreams.
and years have passed away.
no more. I'll face this
most human monster
this most common ordinary thing.
Whitman, now I see.
conformity to a fool,
is for the king,
community.
2004
Wow CANCER MIDHEAVEN in poetic form. That's from 2004 when I had no idea about astrology beyond the sun sign. There are other astrological hues in there for me, such as the Pluto reference and the martyr-complex references which may stem from 3 heavy planets in the 12th: Pluto, Jupiter and Saturn.
Here is an excerpt from Astrology Arena:
There is usually a common theme here of growing up never feeling very at home while at home. Cancer Midheaven people are often uncomfortable with their family, in some form or another. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your family but it does mean that you never really felt fully at ease with them. The emotional security, understanding, or connection you craved from them was sorely lacking. So, from an early age, you turned to the world for this intimate connection. Yet, it can be difficult to find people in the world who care. This is why caring is such a major ambition for Cancer Midheaven people. You should not only strive to care for others but to also make people care for you. There is an overall agenda of empathy and humanity here that you must satisfy through your career. Whatever you do, it must be something that gets you in touch with the human soul.
Are you Cancer midheaven also? Can you relate?
Both in the poem and in this description, I find it interesting this tension of coming to terms with going it alone, and trying to find community. Although honestly this is because there is an Aquarius South Node and Leo North Node dynamic, which highlights the push and pull between individual expression and group identification.
This community is a very Cancerian issue that I struggle with. It seems I am always not quite at home in any one 'tribe' though I love and appreciate many different communities that I've participated with in my life. I suppose the spiritual ascension community is where I feel most comfortable, as that is where the momentum of my Inner Life has led me. And since we know it's "as within as without" the Outer Life will has reflected this to me in astonishing degree, and I expect this to continue ramping up more and more in the coming weeks.
With love,
Maria